“Omg Ur So MEEN!” PseudoAlly Tears And Why We Don’t Care
Allies. Supporters. Helpers. People who work with you in alliance, to aid your interests.
No doubt they’re important. Alliance is what gives us the numbers we need to fight back against systemic oppression. We can’t go it alone, obviously, so we recruit people to the cause. Alliance is not just giving lip service. In fact allies/supporters/helpers whatever often have a lot of work ahead of them just to avoid harming our efforts and us. So it should be entirely unsurprising that some allies/supporters/helpers are actually not allies/supporters/helpers at all.
Some people just care far more about their reputation, their Liberal Points™, their own privileged person comfort or in being able to retain their reality ignoring delusion that they aren’t really privileged than they are actually fixing any of these problems. And some are just trying to fuck us over directly. But whatever the reason (and trust me, the reason does not matter in the least for whether the actions or lack thereof do damage) these people aren’t really allies after all. They are what I like to refer to as PseudoAllies. For whatever reason, they sabotage, deface, derail, distort, complain and generally do more harm than good. One such type of this is the “gray vampire” described in more detail here and also here, which are well known to attempt criticize the way things are done as an excuse not to commit.
And here’s where I make people get whiny. If you refuse to commit to or operate within a paradigm in which you oppose oppression of a group, for any reason (literally, any) then you are not an ally to that group. Whether you’re a gray vampire, a Liberal Reputation Points™ player who didn’t realize that you can’t be an ally just by having trans friends, a privileged person with shit perspective who believes that your comfort is somehow equal to our survival or any other reason, you still aren’t an ally.
Nope. Not even that reason. Sorry, not that one either. Not an ally. A pseudoally. Literally, announcing your intention to stop opposing oppression of a group means that you are not an ally. Note that I’m not saying you have to stay an activist. One can oppose oppression to differing levels of effort. Don’t have a lot of spoons or energy or busy with a lot of bullshit in your life that self care dictates handling? Just make sure you aren’t doing oppressive privileged bullshit and don’t enable others to do oppressive privileged bullshit and there you are, opposing oppression. And that’s really the rub there, opposing oppression is not fucking hard. It may take a little thought and a little research to make sure your actions are actually beneficial but the actions themselves? Easy as pie. And luckily, there will always be members of the trans community who are willing to subject themselves to multitudes of irritating questions of people who haven’t done the research (hint: I am not willing, so don’t ask me). So if you’re really unsure, ask one of them. (and if they say, hey don’t bother me right now, go find someone else to ask).
But the worst, oh the most deeply enraging of pseudoallies are the comfort mongers. The people who are so dreadfully hurt by how “mean” trans people are, how “aggressive” or “vicious”, how much we’re all “jerks”, “harsh” or “too rough” on them. Of all the ridiculously privileged, shallow, asinine reasons to abandon the paradigm of oppression opposition, this is quite simply the worst.
Let me tell you, pseudoallies who may be reading this (as someone will likely invariably link you my way when you pull your shit), unequivocally, indisputably, if your reason for not being an ally was “omg some trans people were mean to me”, you were never a good ally to begin with. If you are capable of abandoning the fight against the widespread oppression of trans people (or any group really, this applies on all zones of kyriarchy) because some trans people didn’t elevate your privileged person discomfort over our lives with us being upset at your privileged fuck ups (or even worse, at someone else’s fuck ups) then you are not a good ally or even an ally at all, by definition. Allies, as they pertain to marginalization activism, are people who work against and oppose oppression, always, invariably. An ally who purposefully stops opposing oppression is an oxymoron. A pseudoally. And if you’re being linked this post after you just did what I’ve described here, then you are a pseudoally.
This utter lack of being an ally is what informs our lack of caring about tone argument derails, about the whining of failed Appeaser archetypes that forget the need for Nukers, about criticisms of how many “allies” we’ve chased away with our tone.
I have not chased away a single genuine ally from anti oppression activism. Literally. Not even one. Some might not read my blog anymore but that isn’t a problem for me. As long as they’re still reading trans people’s experiences, accepting their privilege, owning their mistakes and fighting oppression, they’re fine. I have chased away many pseudoallies, but as pseudoallies are drains on our resources, who use us and abuse us, who turn us against each other, vampires that drink up our energy and our attentions with their precious hurt feelings and “it’s all about me” self obsessing bullshit, is that really a bad thing?
No. It isn’t. In fact, chasing away draining pseudoallies is something that helps clean the sides of the barnacles in activism. One of the main benefits of having Nukers is the loss of pseudoallies like gray vampires, comfort mongers, Liberal Reputation Points™ players, concern trolls and trapdoor trolls, all of whom supremely and easily fuck with Appeasers on a regular basis.
So no, we don’t care when we chase away pseudoallies. I’m amazed that anyone expects us to care. Do mention if we actually chase away a real ally (but don’t hold your breath for it). Until then, I’ll keep on doing what I’m doing.
Filed under: activism, rant, Uncategorized | 16 Comments
Tags: bullshit, cis, cissexism, fuck this fuckery, kyriarchy, privilege, pseudoallyfail, transgender