I Hate Eating


That title’s a little rough isn’t it? Food isn’t bad in and of itself. I love tastes and I enjoy feeling full. I get hungry like lots of people do and I still eat (although I forget to sometimes). What I hate about food is the pain.

Some people might ask, “what’s painful about food?”

Well, it’s not what you think (unless you know me, then it is what you think). I have IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. A wide variety of foods set off powerful muscle spasms in my intestines (presumably down the entire length, not just the large intestine, since it prevents proper absorption of nutrients too (as evidenced by the rapid weight loss I get when I get a bad chain of attacks over a month or a few weeks). These spasms cause intense pain, the generation of gas, bloating, sometimes nausea and at their worst, they cause such burning napalm bowel movements. So every time I eat a meal, I have to think to myself, “will I be in unbearable pain for a half hour or longer from this?”

And the answer is usually, “yes.”

Some fairly common IBS triggers (and ones I have specifically) include high lipid content, grease, oils, onions, coffee (and other acidic fluids), very spicy food, milk, cheese and a host of other small ingredients and many heavily used perservatives. One I’m lucky I don’t have is a reaction to tomatoes. Some give higher chances of reactions than others, for instance onions always completely destroy me. Even small amounts.

Did you read that list closely? Guess how many foods are missing all of those things? Not a whole lot. And they’re often super expensive. So I am in pain, constantly. It basically plays out like chronic pain because I simply can’t avoid the foods that cause it all the time and still pay my bills. So I avoid eating sometimes. I skip meals. There are times when I just simply can not deal with the pain and being lightheaded and kinda woozy is preferable. It doesn’t help that a lot of places don’t even have low fat, dairyless, onion less options. Even if I could afford vegan food, it often has onions in it, making it just as dangerous to me. Food is literally pain and a lot of people don’t seem to get that when I eat at their house, I will likely need to use the bathroom an hour later for a while, in massive pain. Taking me on a date to get food is usually not conducive to sex later because I’ll pay for that food when we get back to your place.

People talk about how skinny I am as though its a good thing when my weight is starting to slowly drop into the unhealthy areas because I don’t eat very often and when I do, my body rejects it like a bad transplant. And when I tell people this? They tell me they wish they had IBS too. Of all the unbelievable able privileged, perspective fail fuckery that’s the one that enrages me the most. Yeah, I’m sure you want to spend every fucking day in pain. I’m sure you want to cry on the toilet from how much it hurts. I’m sure you want to have trouble sitting sometimes and feel so sick at times that people have had to carry you to a place to lay down. Yeah I’m sure you want to be afraid of food, to wonder, “oh god did someone use onion powder in that? Will this hurt me? Will that?” I’m sure you’d love it if people talk about you behind your back, wondering if you have an eating disorder when all you want to do is not feel mind breaking intestinal pain for one fucking day.

And then there’s the advice givers. “Oh why don’t you try this tea I know of?”, “just eat more fish”, “are you sure it isn’t just in your head?” They can all fuck the hell off. And especially the agenda droppers. Like the vegans who try to use me as an example of meat being bad. Excuse you, fuckjob, my IBS is not caused by meat. Some meats are just a trigger. Get your fucking agenda off my body.

I don’t want to lose more weight. I want to be able to eat and enjoy my food and not worry about whether a napalm explosion is gonna come out of me later or if I’m going to bloat to the point that I can’t walk anymore because it hurts too much. So yeah. Me and food? Not fucking friends.

And I’m tired of the bullshit I get for it.

47 Responses to “I Hate Eating”

  1. 1 Christina

    People have actually said to you that they “wish they had IBS”?! O_O *facepalm* That really is fucking oblivious!

  2. 2 Anji

    I have IBS too, though it seems not quite to the degree you have it. The worst thing, for me, is how immediate it is. One moment I’ll be happily going about my daily business, the next, BAM. Got to go to the toilet, got to go NOW. If I’m not near a toilet I am in danger of soiling myself. Even if I’m at home, the short distance between my desk/kitchen/bedroom and the bathroom could be too large. I don’t know why I’m telling you this (it’s certainly in the realms of TMI, I know!) but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone and I really sympathise with you.

  3. I’ve had times like that too. Definitely, omfg need to get to a toilet before I explode.

  4. Wow. That sounds just terrible.

    For a while I thought I might have IBS. I had horrible pain, I spent so much time in the bathroom, I was too sick to eat and, when I did eat, my body just turned against me. I ended up losing almost 20 pounds in a very short amount of time. I can be quite stubborn and I thought “maybe I can wait this out a little longer”, but then I ended up in the ER, crying in agonizing pain. It turned out to be colitis instead of IBS, but it was definitely the absolute worst pain I have ever been in. It felt like I had 100 razor blades in my stomach or something. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with this type of thing all the time. I’ve only been dealing with what I’ve got for a month or two. I definitely sympathize.

    And this reminds me that I need to go take my medicine, or I’ll be dealing with that pain all over again. :X

  5. Fuck, that’s a bad list to have reactions to. Those things show up everywhere. Damn. I’m trying to wrap my head around a life without cheese… I have lived off of bread and cheese for weeks on end when I was poor. It’s… what the heck would I have done without that option? I have no idea.

    And that is some seriously privileged shit you’re facing there. Wishing to have IBS completely fails to acknowledge reality. I wouldn’t wish for diarrhea for a single day, much less IBS for the rest of my life. The former I get regularly due to stress, and it’s godawful, but it has nada to do with the menu, so I can eat what I damn well please, and that’s an immense comfort.

    I don’t understand what kind of denial it takes to listen to a tale like yours and wish for the consequential weight-loss all the while completely ignoring the cost of immense pain, not to mention the inability to safely eat foods one would otherwise enjoy. I have this image in my head of a person going “Ohhh, weight loss!” and then clapping their hands over their ears and shouting “LALALALALALA”.

    I can easily understand why you’re tired of that. I’m sorry people have to go and make your situation suck all the more with their bullshit reactions to it.

  6. My mum has colitis. I remember clearly that she was in the hospital for nearly a month when I was 7. Frightened my right to death it did. She was on sick leave for an additional two months after that. Doctor’s orders. Due to colitis being stress triggered (among other things) he said to mum that when she’s at work, the simple knowledge that the single toilet within 100 yards MIGHT be occupied, an be enough stress to trigger a flare-up.

    Right now she’s not on meds, but she has to watch her stress-levels, and I make a point of forcing her to slow down once in a while. By now she’s out of the stressful marriage to my abusive father, so that’ll help somewhat, but still. Care must be taken.

    Oh yeah, and it is apparently semi-hereditary (or something). Many folks in my fam has/had it. So I’m pretty much just waiting for the day, when I’ll turn out to have it as well. Oh joy.

  7. 7 GallingGalla

    Echh. The advice-givers. I have chronic pain (chronic regional pain syndrome – it’s a neuropathic pain), and my mom (may she rest in peace) use to pull that shit all the time, suggesting one herbal supplement after another, go see this doctor, that doctor, this other naturopath, etc. And when I said that I would not do any of these things, she’d be all “Why are you so resistant to trying new things?”

    It got to the point that I refused to even talk about my condition – I just did not want to hear the “gotta fix this!” thing from her any more. And I think that points to a major motivation – so many people think that you’re “broken” (as opposed to being sick and in pain) and need to “fix” you. Rather than just listening, being present, asking what they can do to help, or even just saying “I’m sorry you’re having a rough day”, they have to “fix” you for their own comfort. It’s damned self-centered and selfish of them.

  8. How dare we hurt and be sick. How dare we spoil their day by having disabilities. Fucking unbelievable, isn’t it?

  9. 9 max

    I have IBS and crohn’s disease. I had a gut ache constantly for 20+ years before the crohn’s diagnosis was made. Why? Because I’m overweight. (Most people with Crohn’s are under weight).
    That’s immaterial to my point. I feel your pain. I have several food triggers. The two most potent for me are MSG and garlic. And like the pervasive nature of your triggers in every day food, it is nigh impossible to find food w/out garlic and / or MSG. Oh, lettuce, fruit skins, and dairy are also not worth the inevitable pain.
    The “helpful,” “…try this, avoid that,” or, “you just need to…” are so ubiquitous I seldom even listen, and respond to them less often.
    Final thought: again, I feel your pain, and wish for some small cache of foods that won’t (hopefully) hurt you, that can get you through the day. (When life and circumstance don’t demand that you eat elsewhere, regardless of the consequences; since for reasons I don’t understand, almost all of our social events still seem to center around EATING, and to not participate is deemed rude). Best to you!
    Warmly, Max

  10. 10 Leah

    Good Lord, I am sick of the advice givers. My father is constantly wasting money (money that he could be using to pay child support) on “supplements that REALLY work” that I refuse to take.

    Fuck the agenda pushers, too. I don’t have IBS, but the vegans like to push their shit on me as well. “Meat products cause more inflammation in you!” So do some vegetables. Asswads.

  11. I’m sorry you have to suffer like that.

    “I wish I had IBS?” Unbelievably insensitive, ignorant, and a bunch of other adjectives about being stupid that escape me. More like, “I wish I could lose weight/get whatever I want while making no effort.” As an attempt at humor to lighten the situation, it sucks.

    “It’s in your head.” Wow. That sounds like it amounts to accusing you of (subconsciously) creating your own panic attack and calling it something else.

    I’m also sorry you have to suffer the morons.

  12. 12 bellim

    I can’t understand how awful it would be to not only deal with your own body causing so much physical pain, but then having other people going around being self-righteous assholes and saying the most privileged stuff. I’m sorry for what you have to go through.

    I’m sorry for how my fellow vegans disrespected you. For all their talk about compassion for animals, you’d think they could muster a little decency for a fellow human being. Bleh.

    Another thing – I’m really curious about what food you survive on, if you’ll pardon my voyeurism. Besides tuna fish, do you have any other “safe” foods that you don’t risk as much pain with? Please feel free not to answer if this question is inappropriate or you don’t have the spoons to detail your life for some person on the internet.

    If they’re wanted, *hugs* and *evil glares at ableist people*. And as always after reading your posts, a good hard look into my own privilege.

  13. 13 bellim

    I wouldn’t say these people are “morons”: I’m sure most of them are able-minded and have the actual ability to treat RP fairly, they’re just jerkwads for not acknowledging their privilege and instead rubbing it all in her face.

    One of the reasons I’m trying to eradication “moron” from my vocabulary–

  14. Ouch. I feel for you. My boyfriend is lactose intolerant and I still can’t get over all the stuff he has to choose to not eat that he loves, or stuff that he gambles on eating while taking medicine that sometimes doesn’t work. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you when you have to worry about that AND all the stuff you list.

  15. I swear my mother and I could have written this. We get all that bullshit from my father and from strangers. My mother’s a veggie so she gets shit from meat eaters, whereas I get it from veggies. My mum’s is more food triggered while mine is mostly a stress thing, although too much/not enough of some stuff seems to make it worse, though I haven’t quite figured it out yet, as cheese can be a savior one week and a nightmare the next. I got it real bad on holiday once and almost crapped myself waiting to go through security at the airport on the way back… nightmare.

    I don’t mind when people give advice… if they do it right. Anything along the lines of ‘oh, you obviously haven’t tried (x)’ or ‘eat some (y) and you’ll be fine!’ is utter BS, but if someone has personal or family experience with something working, I’d love to know. I wish I had some useful information, but I’ve never found anything worthwhile.

    I hate the sort of idiots who wish they had illnesses so they could lose weight. Ableism like that is the worst. Why the hell would you WANT to be in pain and scared to leave the house in case you poop yourself? I swear to god, some prick I went to school with said he couldn’t see what disabled people complained about because they didn’t have to bother walking. There is so much wrong with that I don’t even know where to begin.

    Have you had allergy tests or did you work out your triggers from a food diary? And have you ever visited ibstales.com? Some of the community on there have some interesting experiences with various treatments and you might be lucky enough to find someone with at least a partial answer.

  16. I mostly did the food diary thing. I really should get allergy tests because the possibility of an allergy is still really high and knowing is a really good idea.

  17. I use a lot of soy which is really easy on my stomach and a lot of low fat foods. Quite honestly, I usually have to cook almost all of my own meals (which is really hard when my other disabilities or a previous IBS attack obliterates my spoon supply. I can safely eat spinach and I finally found a tomato sauce that has no garlic (which is a moderate risk at times) and absolutely no onion powder in the organic section and is still fairly cheap. I eat a ton of noodles because those are usually safe when boiled and rice is also a major food I eat a lot of. Depending on how most fish (not just tuna) is cooked, I can usually eat those very safely too, provided it isn’t a very fatty fish. Lean chicken is also safe for me but I have to take care about how I cook that too.

    The main disadvantage I have with soy is I can’t overdo it since it sparks migraines for me. So I play a very delicate game with even the safe foods.

  18. 18 Sas

    On the topic of “broken”ness, there’s a growing number of people (particularly among the New-Agey types that are into herbal remedies and naturopaths) that believe all disease is caused not by microbes, injuries, etc., but by bad living, and they think that if you just eat the right nutrients or take the right mineral or do the right yoga, you can cure everything from cancer to autism to AIDS. The flip side is that they also believe that if you get sick anyway, it’s YOUR FAULT for not doing their woo. ~:P

  19. I fucking hate those new age hippy fuckjobs. IF YOU THINK POSITIVELY, IT MAGICALLY FIXES EVERYTHING. It’s like Intent

  20. 20 PirateFaafy

    Oh yeah, the advice-givers. My mother’s currently got me on a (nearly all-encompassing) list of things I’m not allowed to eat because she thinks they’re the source of my constant migraines. When taking them out of my diet still leaves me with migraines, that just means there are multiple triggers. When NOT taking them out of my diet DOESN’T cause an increase in migraines, nor cause migraines in a reasonable timeframe after consumption on a case-by-case basis, it’s because it doesn’t ALWAYS trigger it. She’s a scientist, and she works very hard to be reasonable about situations like this, but it’s painfully obvious to me that she’s letting her protectiveness get in the way of looking at what’s actually happening.

    Damn it, I want my chocolate back!

  21. 21 Becky

    o.o; I am continually surprised by how much we have in common.

  22. 22 Pagan Dyke

    Been up late and tired, so forgive the lack of coherentness. <— And once it's in print, it's a word. I can really identify with your post on the IBS/Food/Able-Bodied Stupidity thing. I used to have really bad IBS and malabsorption disorder. So, the bloating, fatigue, bathroom-screaming and floor-crawling plus the 20 lbs underweight thing. I no longer have malabsorption disorder, and am actually about 20 lbs over now. I'm trying to enjoy the novelty of it. I get nutrients from food now – imagine that. I still have a lot of food allergies and a host of other chronic conditions, mostly pain and fatigue related. The IBS is "manageable" now, except for those times it isn't. And it's great and all that ODSP gives me money for the food I need, but it would be even niftier if I didn't have to use it to pay my rent or cat medications.

    Okay, I'm way off-track. I just love a ranting woman, so I had to post. I wrote to say this mostly: the dumbest women ever were always approaching me to confide in their fucked-up "I wish I had your skeletal body and the total inability to walk more than 20 feet without needing to rest". I always brought up the list of medical conditions that went with it, but they didn't get it. They were just really… fucking… stupid. Made me want to tunnel through their ear canals into their brains just so I could explode them on the way out. There's a phase I used to use on oblivious able-bodied folks, try it out: "I'm very sorry that MY disability inconveniences YOU". Also, that whole "hey have you tried THIS yet?" stupidity gets old. Of course I've tried "that". Me and every other person with these conditions. We're desperate. We're trying to live with chronic "invisible" illnesses that control every aspect of our life. We'd wash our dishes in yogurt and eat tar if we thought it would help. I'm sure if there were a magical cure, one of us would know about it. It's so condescending. The other thing that bothers me, is if someone sees me outside my apartment and they respond with "oh, you're better" (ie "fixed"/cured). Right, who knew it was that simple. Lucky me. "Hey, I have the new cure for Fibromyalgia/CFS/Osteoarthritis/Etc… let an able-bodied person see you".

    Anyway, found your page through That's What Ze Said's page. Haven't read more than your last post yet, but loving it so far. Peace, Jen.

  23. 23 Pagan Dyke

    Doing the food allergy test is worth it, just to have on paper and get out of the way. Minus all the hurty bits. It turns out they couldn’t test me for all the environmental/chemical related allergies… My doctor said they used to literally stick you in a closet with the chemicals and see how sick you got. No thanks. But with these sorts of illnesses, I found it easier to get as much on paper as I can. But like most people here I suspect, I self-diagnosed years before I had any medical confirmation.

    I tried to do the food allergy test once, but according to the nurse, “no, you’re not allergic to ANY foods”. Mmhmm. The doctor told me later when I was yelling that they don’t always show up. o.O But everytime my doctor sends me for a Yes/No test, I come back with ZBX-12 and when they send me for an A, B, C or D test, I come back as Z. Fun wow.

    PS: Thanks for the spoon reminder. I really need to start stocking up and taking inventory, something I have not done in far too long. I’m sorry you have to deal with any of that at all.

  24. In that case, I retract my statement, and replace it with:

    “I’m also sorry you have to suffer so many people who speak without thinking first.”

    And it looks like I’m one of them. Seriously, though, thank you for letting me know.

  25. Just read a post on Beyond Meds that reminded me of this post. I don’t know how helpful it will be to you but thought you might like to give it a read anyway. She talks about how SSRIs are being marketed for IBS now despite the fact that there’s anecdotal evidence suggesting that SSRIs actually make IBS worse, and then goes on to talk about how she cured her IBS for good (using some sort of probiotic).


  26. Funny story, I’ve already used probiotics. They didn’t stop the IBS or even reduce it.

    Way to do exactly what I complained about in this post. Check your ableism.

  27. QED

    That’s pretty much all this comment warrants.

  28. Probiotics never worked for me either, but my SSRIs do seem to make a difference, though I suppose that’s because my IBS is more stress triggered, and not having panic attacks all the time is helpful.

  29. I’m not sure if it’s an SSRI I’m on but it has reduced the frequency, if not the severity of the attacks. So I know I had some of them coming from stress.

  30. Gotta love it when my point gets a free example right in the comments. >.<

  31. I wasn’t trying to force help/advice on you, I just saw something related and thought you might be interested. I know how you feel about intent though, so let me just apologize profusely for how it came across. Sorrysorrysorry. D:

    Is there a way I could said that first comment better? Reading it again I realize how saying “I don’t know how helpful it will be to you…” in particular would be interpreted as “HELLO I AM TRYING TO HELP WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT” and not “this is probably totally useless to you but on the off-chance it is interesting or useful…” or “hey, related reading if you want it”. Or are my attempted clarifications just as bad (meaning I’m probably digging myself a deeper hole here) and I would have been better off not saying anything at all? :/ I’d like to avoid making this sort of insensitive mistake in the future.

    Apologies again. :/

  32. Thanks for the apology. I don’t have a lot of spoons so I’ll just try to summarize some ways to make it a bit less irritating. If you found something you thought I might like reading you could just link it and say, “Just read a post like this in Beyond Meds. Reading both really helped me comprehend the topic better. *link*”

    Generally I follow up on links people leave here in the comments. And by presenting it that way it doesn’t come off like unwanted advice or advice at all. It’s just you sharing a post that you read before this one that you found similar. A lot less obnoxious.

    Hope that was coherent. I’m really exhausted right now.

  33. Okay, noted. Thanks. :)

  34. 34 Gentleman Cambrioleur

    Someone else chiming in with the realization that this could have been written about her o_O

    I have IBS, lactose intolerance, and fructose malabsorption syndrome which means no dairy products, no fruits and almost no vegetables on top of the usual no fatty food, no red meat, no onions. I can eat, er, cereal. And rice. And pasta. Um, that’s about it.

    When my disease started out I lost 20 pounds from an already low body weight and was often told “what’s your secret” and “omg you’ve been looking so healthy and beautiful lately” (no really, HEALTHY). My doctors actually made things worse, and I was (wrongly) diagnosed with anorexia because they wouldn’t listen when I told them, I don’t want to lose weight, but food CAUSES ME PAIN. I was also told more times than I can count that my pain was “all in my head” by the same health professionals, and eventually I got referred to a psychiatrist who can’t do much but, well, he listens, and he prescribed the necessary tests, and he prescribed an anti-depressant that does seem to help somewhat (Remeron, in case you might be interested – it seems to be a YMMV thing though.) I seem to be somewhat, er, special in that I’m always in pain even with safe foods – the pain is just more manageable with those.

    This post makes me glad for the Internet. Years ago, I would probably have thought that I was alone, and believed the doctors when they told me I was making it up. It’s not a fun disease and there’s definitely a social stigma, both for the TMI aspect and the fact that there is no reliable diagnosis for the illness so that it often gets dismissed as being imaginary. Thanks for sharing.

  35. I am the queen of TMI. XD

    I’m glad I could help make you feel less alone.

  36. 36 Crosspondian

    This weight obsession thing has gone beyond ridiculous. If someone told me they wanted to have IBS, I would make them feel how IBS feels. Maybe rectally inserting a broken glass bottle would help them understand.

    I have IBS and I never received stupid comments like that, but this might be because I avoid talking about it. Your post got me thinking about coming out as being chronically ill. I prefer to be positive and talk about what I can do rather than what I can’t. Am a living a lie because I pretend to be healthy?

    Let me add my bit of TMI, in order to show how diverse IBS symptoms can be. I’m a 39-years old bisexual male from Europe, I found your blog through bi friends on Twitter. In the late 1990s I had crushing colics (attacks of acute constipation). It felt like I had swallowed bullets. Painkillers didn’t help much and were hard to ingest because I would get nausea. The only thing that relieved the pain was taking hot showers, sometimes alternating with cold showers. In retrospect, I should have tried cleaning out my bowels with a vaginal douche and water.

    Things got better after I took fibre supplements (plantago ovata works better for me than Metamucil), quit smoking, stopped drinking coffee, and got out of a depression thanks to cognitive group therapy and a job where I felt appreciated. I tried SSRI’s, but they gave me excruciating colics, which is not unexpected, since constipation is a common side-effect.

    To me, eating feels like having safe sex: it’s better than nothing, it can be fun, but you have to be careful all the time. The main dietary problem for me was fat and salty food that would clog up my bowels. Eating more fibre and drinking more water was an simple solution for that part. Luckily, the only substances that directly irritate my intestines are cafeine and sweeteners. I haven’t had coffee in this century, I eat only small doses of chocolate and I drink weak tea. I can’t resist diet sodas, even though they have a laxative effect, especially in the morning.

    I don’t understand the comments about healthy food being expensive. Maybe that’s an American thing. Where I live, unprocessed food is cheap (and cheese is relatively expensive, by the way).

    The funny thing is that I do not just get constipated when I have too much stress – I will actually get diarrhea when I don’t have enough stress. In other words, I can never fully relax or I’ll pay for it later. At the moment, my bowels are still sensitive because I slept late on Sunday. Is that TMI or not?

  37. Heh, I really think it’s impossible to tmi me about this sort of thing. But yeah IBS has got some really radically different effects in a lot of people. For me, it’s fiery napalm shit and others like you it’s massive colics. You honestly gotta do what you gotta do though. If keeping what you deal with quiet is safer and better for you, then no one has a right to judge you or claim you’re living a lie for that choice. Do what’s best for you, like I did. XD

    Healthy food is very expensive in America. It sucks.

  38. My Mum has IBS, and I’m starting to think I might do too, and have an appointment with my GP soon. Her IBS showed up around my age, so it’s quite possible. I’m in pain around 10 minutes after every meal, then have a full ‘evacuation’.
    It hurts, it’s upsetting and awkward.
    I avoid going out because of it. People at work have been commenting that I’m looking thinner really frequently, probably because I avoid eating, and when i do, it just goes right through me.

    I’ve also been diagnosed with Primary Hypothyroidism, meaning my thyroid is slowly being killed by my immune system. This is playing havock with my sleeping patterns, mood and metabolism (which is making things even worse).

    I’ve even started having bouts of depression that cannot be medicated because the thyroid is dying, so my condition changes frequently.

    Sure, It’s nice getting thinner for the first time in my life (I’ve been bullied since 10) But having it happen from being unwell isn’t really the best way for it to happen.

  39. @Keeks:

    Yeah sickness is not a good time.

  40. i know this comment is ridiculously late, but… i think it’s kind of [edited for psychophobic slurs ~KH] how able-bodied people think they know everything about living with a disability. my mom, for example. she doesn’t really believe that i’m autistic, and i’m not sure she really understands my ADD either (even though she freely admits that i have ADD). she spend a good majority of my life trying to “treat” my ADD with all these [edited for psychophobic slurs ~KH] things like some weird watery thing called “focus” and some gross powder and not letting me eat sugar or gluten. when she finally gave up and let me go back on adderall (which was what i really needed) she seemed almost surprised at how well i could focus, but soon after tried to tell me that she really thought that “focus” stuff worked and i should take that instead (i said no)

    i’m lactose intolerant, and my (also lactose intolerant, plus vegetarian and jewish) friend went on a trip to japan with the most idiotic people on the planet… one of the teachers that was supposed to be responsible for us learned that we were avoiding dairy (keep in mind, this was on our medical records and we told them in person several times before this) and widened her eyes, saying “you mean you don’t eat cheese at ALL???” and when my friend gave her a funny look and said no, she said “well just eat it really fast, you’ll be fine.”


    also another girl with a lot of food allergies ended up having to buy most of her own food, and then she had to share it with a guy (i say guy since that’s what this person was at the time, so i’ll just use quotation marks…) who was about 6 feet tall but 100 pounds (through no fault of “his” own, “he” ate and still eats just fine) and didn’t eat dinner one night because mcdonalds food always did bad things to his system… then we had to walk somewhere, and “he” was just following us, staring blankly, and i was guiding “him” so he didn’t fall, and the teachers wouldn’t let us stop and buy ramen because we were “late” (we were no such thing). when we got there is when the girl with food allergies gave “him” an onigiri and as it turns out “he” had no recollection of actually walking there, that’s how hungry “he” was.

    also, i got in trouble for having a migrane. way to go, teachers.

    would you believe that despite that, it was the best trip ever?

  41. @Torako: Wow, that’s ridiculous how those teachers were. I edited out your use of the word crazy cuz it’s ableist against the mentally ill. I’m guessing the person in the last paragraph transitioned?

  42. yes, she did =)

    i’m sorry for offending you with my language, but as a mentally ill person myself i don’t consider it particularly offensive and actually refer to myself that way, just as my transgender girlfriend refers to herself as a tranny… can you explain to me why you don’t like the term?

  43. @Torako:

    Using the term for yourself is perfectly fine. That’s reclaiming it as a positive identity phrase. I do the exact same thing. The way you were using it in your post was as an insult for others, which equates mentally ill people like us with the badness of the people you’re insulting. See the issue? It’s not so much that it’s offensive or that I dislike the term and more that it actually does real social harm by promoting those negative associations.

  44. i’m not entirely sure i understand, but i respect your opinion.

  45. @Torako: Which part was causing troubles? I’m sure I can summarize it in a way that makes it easier to deal with.

  46. 46 charissa




  47. 47 Maria

    I actually cried reading your post because I suffer too. It’s at a point where the only food that doesn’t bug me is “rabbit food.” I hate how my husband says I’m always sick. I hate how people think I’m dieting because I don’t want to indulge in their food and they have their opinion how it’s stupid for a skinny person to diet. I don’t tell people about IBS because it’s embarrassing. I have one event that humiliates me to this day when an old coworker in a store saw me and yelled out in front of people how he thought I looked better because I gained weight. I had only gained 10 lbs so it wasn’t like I was anorexic before. I just hope to feel better soon like you do.

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