Intermission: Anxiety Girl Vs. The Stress Monster!
Yes, this is another intermission post. I’m sure you were all wondering when one of those would come back.
So if you haven’t been keeping up with me on the twitters or the tumblrs (GOLLY YES, I HAVE A TUMBLR NOW. FOR SHAME) right now my life is a maelstrom of fuckery with some nice calm eyes of the storm in between.
Currently I’ve run into the same fun little predicament that many grad students with no parental support do. I’ve run out of credit classes to do and just need to finish my thesis. But I can’t afford to live without working and my loans are likely coming due soon. So now I need to find a job, a demoralizing and painful search if ever there was one, so that I can move, get a place and work on my thesis work and basically just not sleep till I die or graduate. And probably a job that pays a salary, not hourly, so that I can cover my loans and bills. And maybe even save money for a certain surgery! I’d love to be able to save money.
And as I’ve been smashing my head against the brick wall of job searching (ow), I got another fun little FML moment when my partner of three years decided it just wasn’t going to work anymore. Being that I know a losing battle when I see it, I just shut my mouth and agreed and we went our separate ways in a friendly caring fashion.
Or at least, it would’ve went that way had they been able to move out right away. Cue several months of no space to heal in. Shit is not so friendly now. Also the mind shattering loneliness and feeling like a worthless piece of garbage probably doesn’t help either (abandonment issues; always a good time). Luckily I’m pretty good at healing.
But there are good things too.
For one, I’m actually getting out of the house on a regular basis and seeing the friends and loved ones I still have left in this area. Which is doing wonders for my depression (which admittedly still eats a ton of my spoons). I even saw a member of my non blood family that I haven’t seen in a while. She not only picked me up and made me feel like maybe I could make it, she’s given me the urge to actually write a book or two about trans stuff and the feeling that maybe I can actually pull that off. So now, my head is abuzz with possibilities.
I discovered my own spectrasexuality (an interest in more genders than just two, but not regardless of gender) and now am enjoying the capacity to harbor attraction to several common nonbinaries and the menz in addition to the wimmenz. That superpower is a good one to have.
And the most awesome one currently is that I finally succeeded at my name change (I deeply hate bureaucracy). Now I’m currently going through the fun process of notifying everyone and the kitchen sink about my name change and getting a bunch of cards and stuff sent back to me with the new name. Seeing my name on my license, registration, insurance, student id, etc etc etc, it’s all a huge pick me up that I firmly admit turns me into an embarrassingly giggly, giddy, little ball of happy bounce. Pretty much every time I see it.
So while Anxiety Girl still fights that evil Stress Monster to save GB City, there are certain happy little victories that keep me firmly afloat.
Even so, my update schedule has been reduced due to the sheer amount of things I’m trying to do at once. It’s easy to microblog on tumblr and twitter. It’s a great deal more difficult to write articles of the caliber that you all have come to expect from me, which obviously is my fault for spoiling you all. I should have tried to suck more.
So the possibility of another hiatus looms over the horizon. It may not be right away but as I get closer to possibly being homeless for a bit or alternately closer to a move to a different state, it will become impossible to get content out quickly. I still take guest posts and I would love to have a few sent my way now to save up for the time I’ll be in Hectic Holy Shit Land. Throw me a line.
Don’t worry, we’re not closing up shop. Just letting poor little me not die.
Filed under: personal | 5 Comments
Tags: intermission, life issues, random