Hey guys, I know I haven’t put up anything new in a very long time.

This is just to catch everyone up with what’s been going on with me and what will be going on with this website in the future.

I had identified a number of self harm issues with my relationship with online activism and online communities, as well as blogging in general. Not to mention the consistent harassment that talking about these topics can bring down on you. This made it clear that I needed to do something different with my life to be safe and improve my mental health.

This site itself, well, if you go back far enough you can see I had a lot of screwed up ideas, internalized transmisogyny and ableism. I’ve deleted the worst of the posts (like that horrible Identity vs. Objective Reality post ugh, it’s like some kind of terf parrot vomit, just awful and embarrassing).

Even more recent stuff could use an overhaul as my politics and views have evolved and changed. But since I’m essentially retiring from the heavy social media activism (for the foreseeable future) there’s not much point to updating them further. There are some useful and good aspects to them so I’ll leave them up as essentially an archive and hope they can benefit people.

I’ve also taken out posts that are heavily personal because I’m not that comfortable with airing so much of my life and pain and feelings to the world anymore. I’ve found that sort of openness and vulnerability isn’t always a healthy thing to just share with anyone who can find a public blog.

I’m still on social media in various places but it will probably just be fooling around and hanging out with old friends, under different urls and screennames. I learned a lot while I blogged here and I don’t regret it, nor do I regret the friends and associates I gained while here.

Keep fighting the good fight and I’ll see you around.


The internet has been shitstorming lately. It’s a familiar sort of shitstorm, the kind that arises over and over again in response to a far worse thing.

Wolves in sheep’s clothing.

If you’re not familiar with the feminism and the GL…b…. (t?) communities then you probably don’t know that, despite talking a great deal about privilege and the dangers that arise from trust for the privileged, mainstream feminism and cisGLB have this very bad habit of trying to tell women (woc and trans women and twoc) and trans people, bisexuals and poc (and any combination) respectively, who to trust.

Your two examples for the day.

Continue reading ‘You Don’t Get To Tell Us Who Our Enemies Are’


A lot of people seem to be under the impression that I am “politically correct”.

This is an odd impression for many reasons, not a few of which relate most to political correctness’ nonsensical application to all sorts of things and the fact that no one can fully agree on a definition for the phrase. The one element of PC that people seem to agree on the most is that it is built around the avoidance of offense (often in relation to oppressed folks).  So the actual meat of the assumption isn’t so much that I am politically correct and more that I work to eliminate words that are found offensive byoppressed groups (my own and the ones of others). Mostly slurs.

Continue reading ‘Words and Offense’


Crossposted at The Spectrum Cafe

Identity.

It’s deeply personal and for the most part we go way out of our way to protect it. Not just our own but others as well. At least when identity policing and erasure isn’t going on. It’s one of those sacrosanct inviolable rules of the Alphabet Soup community (GLBTQQIAsomethingsomethingetc) that identity trumps all. Don’t police, don’t fuck with it, don’t erase, don’t demean and don’t tell people their identities are invalid.

This sacredness of identity is, for the most part, brilliant. It protects people from erasure, prevents the odious bullshit of having to explain and justify why you are who you are to every privileged piece of scumfuck who comes along. Sacrosanct identity allows us to work past the bounds of nonfunctional or bigoted language built to deny us basic self determination of who we are. It allows us to come to terms with the workings of our lives and the problems we face at our own pace and have community to fight these issues. Generally when identity is attacked, it’s attacked on bigoted bases or on derails. By treating it as sacred, that heads off those attempts at the pass, allowing identity to stay safe even when under assault from all sides. Yes, identity being sacred is helpful in many ways but it is also has one ridiculous flaw.

It doesn’t account for the fact that identity is not immune to being bigoted.

Continue reading ‘The Sacrosanct Identity, Bigotry And The Enabling Of Oppression’


It’s difficult to write this.

Many of us push ourselves. Hard. The things we fight for are precious and denied us so easily, so effortlessly. The pain and suffering we face is awful. Oppression is no joke. It shatters lives. So we fight, battle, educate, speak out and work to fix society or even break it and replace it. And then at the end of the day, we take some time to rest, tend our wounds of the body, mind and soul and wait for the next fight, the next goal, the next set of ignorant people.

Well, not all of us.

Continue reading ‘When Activism Becomes Self Harm’


Hi folks, welcome to the first ever product review on GB. I even made a separate category!

Recently I was asked to review a product from TheirToys.com Sex Toys. After all I do write about sex a lot so I am probably fairly well suited to do this sort of review. After some discussion with their representative I decided to review the Screaming O FingO from (obviously) Screaming O. Specifically the wavy textured one. The product was sent to me for free as thanks for doing the review (and for the publicity that reviews give no matter how they go, of course).

Continue reading ‘[Product Review] ScreamingO’s FingO Vibrator for TheirToys.com’


Crossposted at The Spectrum Cafe

I’d like to leave a note here that one can use bisexuality to mean more than two genders attracted to provided the why for it isn’t binarist or cissexist. Because the base definition isn’t inherently cissexist, there’s a lot of leeway to play with the word as an identity without running into any problems of the word itself having dangerous power. This post deals with the binarism and cissexism strawman about the “two gender attractions” in bisexuality if one is using that definition. I don’t go into what sort of reasons for expanding bisexuality would be cissexist because generally a given bisexual person you ask about their bisexuality and it applying to more than two genders will have basic identity as a reason and not anything more. So it’s not super relevant.

[Edits added to clarify certain points]

I recently read an article from Julia Serano that filled me with dismay. Not just the article itself but the whole debate about bisexuality and how no one really comprehends the actual issue.

For those who have a deep phobia of hyperlinks (or a really shitty computer, like me), it was an attempt to defend bisexuality from accusations of enforcing the gender binary. Mostly by spouting male/female essentialism (which is pretty cissexist in and of itself and hell, even sexist) and then using it as a descriptor of how there’s a difference in her treatment by society depending on her partner, which is fairly problematic since it’s pulling labeling from a heterosexist, cissexist and binarist society. Never do that. It’s a bad call.  Also, shock and awe y’all, this happens with any polysexuality, including pansexuality. It’s not a good reason under any light.

But this isn’t a fisk of her article. Because really, she’s defending bisexuality from a giant strawman fallacy dropped by her just as wrong opponents. I’ve discussed the concept of cissexism and binarism within gay, lesbian and etc labeling before but I haven’t tackled bisexuality’s rather unique situation as of yet and handled the topic in a more general fashion. So today I’m sliding on my details hat and going full steam into what about bisexuality is the binarism and cissexism issue and what isn’t.

Continue reading ‘Bisexuality, Binarism And Why Everyone Has It Wrong’


Crossposted to The Spectrum Cafe.

Ever since I started transition, ever since I even started to explore my dissonance, people have walked all over me. People have hurt me, used me, fucked me over and said horrible things about me and the other women like me.

When I started blogging, when I raised my voice approximately a year and a half ago, even more people spewed their hateful bullshit on me. And even more people spewed more subtle transmisogyny at me. Little things but they wore me down never the less.

I’ve talked about activism and some of the limitations we face IF we want to change things ourselves before. But I’m not talking about activism right now. I’m talking about survival.

Continue reading ‘I Can’t And I Won’t.’


Clarifications: In no way am I saying that the onus is on us to educate. In fact, you can scream in frustration, rage at people or seek out and carve out safe spaces for yourself all you want. I certainly have. But activism itself is a movement trying to make the world better for us. Creating change. So, if you want take the torch, that onus, onto yourself because you and I all know that even though the privileged people SHOULD be fixing it, they NEVER actually will on their own, then that is also your prerogative. And if you have chosen to take that as your path, then this post’s discussion about educating people and how the call out is effective and ineffective applies.

And let’s be clear, if you’re just looking to kick privileged people in the face or vent and express frustration, you’re not doing activism. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it is what it is. And as an important note, since people don’t grasp this, /you don’t have to do activism/. At all. Ever. You are not required to.

And even if you aren’t doing activism, the call out can also be dangerous to other marginalized people. For instance, if you trigger an attack in someone with an anxiety disorder because you wanted to call them out, you’re being ableist and deserve the same harsh response. There is absolutely no excuse to be bigoted in a call out. None. At. All. And that is the main concentration of my post. Continue reading ‘[Activist Modus Operandi] The Anatomy of a Call Out (And Why It Needs To Change)’


We don’t like seeing those we love hurt.

It’s a completely natural response. We’re tied to these people, be they family, friends, partners, whatever. Our happiness and theirs are linked. Closely and tightly. When they hurt, we hurt for them. When they smile, we feel happy too. When they cry, we want to cry. When they laugh, it brings a smile to our lips too. Love is one of the strongest accentuations of empathy a person can have. And one of the strongest bonds a person can have too.

It’s not unusual for us to want to spare our loved ones pain and/or suffering. Parents may be reluctant to let their kids make the mistakes they need to grow from, cuz those mistakes hurt. Lovers may be upset when a partner did something that risked injury or harm for them, whether it was necessary or not. Friends want to help friends feel better when they hurt. This isn’t just common, it’s usually a good thing. Love means you will look out for each other, help each other and be there for each other.

But sometimes the instinct is taken in the wrong direction. Continue reading ‘Love and Disability: Chronic Pain’




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